Diary
02.10.2026
We are less than six months away from our wedding, and things are starting to pick up. I think my partner's family have come around to the idea of our wedding and marriage, which has helped my partner feel more confident moving forward with a lot of the planning things. We are booking different vendors and finalizing ideas so we can source decor and my friend is making our invitations and we are formulating a day-of plan. But it all seems a bit callous in the backdrop of current events.
It has been challenging to look forward to the near future (and much harder for the farther future) when our country is in such a brutal state. How can I expect people to take the time to attend my wedding when there are so many other things that are more deserving of attention and time? Come June, will my partner and I even be able to get married? There are more gay marriage protections in Oregon, sure, but it seems as though civil rights for marginalized populations are at more and more at risk every day. While people of color in America have always experienced violence and cruelty at the hand of white people, the aggressors no longer care to hide their prejudice, and government officials are openly seeking out more people to attack. It does feel as though our country has regressed to previous versions of its treatment of marginalized communities. Though I believe affected communities, their leaders, and their allies are at a better positioned to distribute their message through today's media, so are the aggressors.
Holding on to hope is paramount. Those who protest or participate in other forms of resistance are able to channel that hope into action. Some may be inspired by anger or sadness at injustice, but hope as a driving force allows us to hold our government accountable and challenge it to treat its people better. I hope for a better future. I hope for justice. I hope for peace. I hope for education. I hope for love.
10.09.2025
We leave in the morning for New Mexico. Like early. Like 2am early. Like it takes us an hour to get to the airport, then we need to find parking, then wait for a shuttle to take us to the terminals. And with the government shut down and employee furloughs, people are saying TSA is backed up like my dad after Thanksgiving. But they also say TSA doesn't open until 4am, so if we arrive by 3 then we will have to wait to wait in line. Anyway, our flight is at 5:30, and I think we should be fine.
My partner gets to meet her nephew, and we're excited about that. It's also her youngest brother's birthday, well his birthday was on Wednesday, but we're having a party I guess. So we're going to see the youngest brother, but we're really going to meet the baby.
It's the first time we'll be with her family after we've sent out the save the dates for our wedding. Her grandma has not acknowledged this. This being our relationship or our wedding. But that might not mean much considering it's hard to get her on the phone at all let alone for more than five minutes. I'm not one to speak, seeing as my grandma is the same way. And my partner's mom doesn't have much to say on the subject. This woman has some extra cash laying around (and a perfect credit score), but she wields her money strategically. There are always strings attachted. When she came to visit us for my partner's birthday, she said that she would chip in for the wedding by buying the wedding dresses -- under the condition that we spend the next six months losing weight. This was directly after we took her to the venue we picked out.
My parents are not well off by any means. They live paycheck to paycheck and are years past retirement age. But, they've offered several times to contribute financially to our wedding. I feel guilty about accepting their offers even though my partner and I could really use the extra financial support. So we decline. My parents love my partner, and I think it makes my partner sad that her mom isn't really like my parents that way. Her mom has proven time and time again that her love is conditional. I mean my partner's mom has done some pretty messed up stuff to my partner, but that's still her mom, you know?
My partner also hasn't told her family that we will not be travelling there for Christmas. The deal was that we would alternate holidays, and since I spent last Christmas with her family, this year she's supposed to spend Christmas with mine. But her family doesn't know that. I'm sure it will come up this weekend, and I don't think my partner's mom will be pleased. She is known for having manipulative reactions to things, so I'm also preparing for a bit of a blow up. Hopefully the baby will help smooth things over.
So anyway, we're going to New Mexico, and my future mother-in-law's enormous house is full of people. I'm preparing to be social and be completely uncomfortable for five days. Wish me luck.